Why Facebook Should Allow Takebacks

Shit. Guys.

So it's 5am. I SHOULD be studying for my Chemistry final at 10am, but instead I am writing vaguely threatening facebook messages to girls I like...

Time to explain. So I'm secretly in love with a girl that I've talked to twice. We'll call her Beverly. So Beverly leant me her Lab Binder (for the non-college readers a Lab Binder is the college equivalent of a pyramid scheme. Except you can't make money off it. Actually I'm not sure what a pyramid scheme is a Lab Binder is a text book), because I'm a terrible human being and lost my binder the week before the exam. So Beverly is kind enough to lend me hers, right? She even highlights necessary information and included a personal note about coming to her sorority's Christmas Party later that night WITH A SMILEY FACE. Everyone knows that is 18-year-old for, "I'm irrationally in love with you too," right?

Bogies is a local bar. (Not the stuff on Harry's wand in Harry Potter the Chamber of Secrets that he wipes off on his robes after it being in the Mountain Troll's nose.)

So I get all giggly and decide the only logical thing to do is demand a ransom for her book back. Why? Because I'm totally screwed up in the head. That's why.

So I casually wait until 4 am to write to her. Totally logical and not creepy at all. And include something along the lines of:

"You can't have your book back unless you go on a date with me."

Keep in mind that is just a synopsis.
I'm sure the actual message was far less demanding and somewhat cute, but in my insecure state, this is all I can get from it.

Long story short, Beverly still has no idea I'm in love with her, because we've only spoken twice, and who the hell falls in love with someone that quickly unless your emotionally ill-equipped, and on top of that she now thinks I stole her book to demand a date with her. WHY FACEBOOK!

The Facebook people (who I will now and forever refer to as the Facebook people because I'm too lazy to Bing who the Facebook people actually are) obviously were brought up believing in "black black no trade-backs" because it is literally impossible to unsend a "threat-mantic" Facebook message... (On a rather upbeat side-note, spell check lets you get away with all sorts of made up shit if you put a hyphen between the words. Like creeptastic is not a word, but creep-tastic is totally acceptable).

Thus, I can do nothing but assume that Facebook makes it harder for new relationships to form, because obviously it takes more money to appear "in a relationship" on Facebook than "single" simply for the fact it takes more words. Duh. Why didn't I see this earlier? I think we should all start blaming Facebook for failed relationships everywhere... They obviously hate love because they're greedy corporate fat cats. Bastards.

Peace, Love, and Hyphenation.

Updated: So I keep rereading this message over and over... Is it as creepy as I think it is?

Completely lying about making a B... I've been blogging all night. But hey. That little white lie is totally acceptable.

Updated Again: I looked up pyramid scheme on wikipedia. Totally not a valid reference.... But it's definitely fucked up like a pyramid scheme. We'll call lab binders "pyramid-scheme-ish"